Dear Paula
Please can you help me? I have been married for seven years to a man who has a drink problem. He binge drinks a lot and stays aways for days on end. When he does come back, he can be very violent.

I had him arrested last year and he promised to stop drinking, so I believed him and dropped the charges but now he is worse than ever with his drinking although he hasn't hit me.

I can't handle this life any more as I have children to think about, so I told him I want him to leave but he refuses saying I am his wife and we are never separating and he will never leave the house. I cannot leave as I have no where to go.

Dear Paula writes:
You are in a horrible situation and your husband is, in effect, holding you hostage. Unfortunately, many drinkers make promises that they will stop and the impulse is always to want to believe them but it almost never works that way. Most problem drinkers won't give up until they've run out of options and you may have to take some drastic measures in order to change the situation.

I suggest that you make sure you have money to get the locks changed and next time he goes off drinking, change the locks and refuse to let him in. He will probably then create sufficient disturbance for the police to be called and, in view of his past violence, you could then take out a restraining order stopping him from coming to the house.

I know all this sounds dreadful, as he is your husband, but as you say, you have children to consider and their emotional welfare is paramount in a situation such as this, not to mention your own safety and welfare. The police should be able to tell you if there is an organisation in your area which offers support to victims of domestic violence and you could also contact al-anon, (www.al-anon.org.uk) and get support from others coping with situations similar to your own.

It's important that you have some support, as it needs a lot of strength to make such difficult decisions and stick by them. This situation won't change unless you change it. I hope you succeed in freeing yourself and your children and go on to have a better life.