Dear Paula,
I have just found out that my girlfriend of three years is pregnant. I suppose I should be excited or something. The problem is I am sterile and have been since I had a sports accident when I was 18. What should I do? I cannot stand the sight of the woman let alone sleep with her.


Dear Paula writes:
I think the first thing you should do is go and have a test and make certain that you actually are sterile. Weird and surprising things have been known to happen, such as women who've had a sterilisation finding themselves pregnant.

You were very young when you were declared sterile, so I think it would be wise to be certain that you can't be the father before you go any further. If the tests still show that you are sterile, so can't be the father, you are clearly under no obligation to this relationship.

As you say that you now can't stand the sight of her, it seems pretty clear that you don't have any starry romantic ideas about taking this child on as your own. Whether or not she decides to go ahead with the pregnancy, it doesn't sound as though you'll be forgiving and forgetting so it seems the relationship doesn't have much of a future.

I can understand that this is a very confusing and difficult situation for you but other than advising you to have a test, there's not much for me to say. The only thing that puzzles me is that I'm left with the impression that, either you never told your partner you were sterile, (and if not, why not?) or she is telling you she's been having an affair and asking you to make it OK.

This begs a lot of questions about how each of you sees this relationship but I don't have the information to address any of those questions and can only advise you as I have already done.