Dear Paula,
I have been seeing my partner for two years and its been a rollercoaster. He is separated from his wife and she is also with someone else. I learned three months into the relationship that he had been begging his wife to come back. He denied it when I confronted him.

I did however speak with her and she ran him into the floor, telling me to move on and forget him. Everything she said about him, (he lies, breaks promises and plays mind games) is true. I'm living it. I started to do some background work on him and, yes, he's a massive liar, he does break promises and is able to charm everyone.


He was totally rotten to me when my dad died and almost ran away from me. I then found out he had been chatting to women over the internet but I got wind of this and contacted the girl via facebook in which she told me everything.

He totally panicked, said he would get rid of facebook and changed his email. However, I found that he never did get rid of his facebook nor his email so again he panicked and promised he would make some kind of commitment to me. He got me a mobile contract attached to his and I felt so happy that he must think so much of me but a week later he took the phone from me and told me he was going to cancel it!

After a few days he contacted me, saying he was sorry etc and days down the line I asked him if I could have the phone back. He then told me he was now giving it to his seven year old daughter! It was like, oh drop me off and get out of my life, but I'm finding it hard. I feel so cheated and humiliated.

Dear Paula writes:
You know what this man is like and that he's not really worthy of you - or any woman by the sound of it. You've heard the experiences of his other women and they clearly match up to your own. These charming men can be very difficult to deal with as they are so practiced at seeming contrite and sincere when found out and most of us do want to believe the best of anyone to whom we feel emotionally close.

You have been cheated but try not to let yourself feel humiliated. It sounds as though you're not the only one to be deceived by his charm, so you're in the good company of women who have wanted to see good in him, probably because they're genuine and trusting people.

If he is a habitually charming liar, it may be that he suffers from a type of personality disorder which means he is very good at exploiting people and this can be very hard to spot. Even the professionals can sometimes be taken in.

He's not likely to change his behaviour and being with him will only bring heartache so, comfort yourself with the thought that being taken in by him doesn't reflect badly on you in any way. Fortunately, there are many good and genuine men out there, so try not to let this experience impact on any future relationships you have.

You were unfortunate in meeting this man but you weren't stupid, he's had years of practice in deceiving women. I wish you better luck next time.