Dear Paula,
In 1985 I married a lovely guy but I was only 20 (he met me at 18) so was young and very vulnerable. I made his life hell, drinking, bad tempered, and then flirting. I thought things would never end.

I lost my temper one day and walked out 'marriage is only a piece of paper' he said and we got divorced. He never came to look for me or find out how I was. I never told him I was pregnant with our son.

Now, 25 years later I contacted him on Friends Reunited and told him I still love him and probably always will. I have never and till now did not get much of reaction from him, almost nothing. How can someone 'just switch off' and not love you anymore? Ok people fight, people get upset, but to this day I can't understand why.

People say time heals, forget the past etc. but it is like a scar. It stays forever. I was young, we were living in Dubai and it was not possible for me to keep my child. I had no job, no friends, no family and turned to strangers to help me. They advised me to get rid of the baby due to laws etc. Why does he not want to acknowledge us?

Dear Paula writes:
Are you really only able to see things from your own point of view? It certainly sounds that way. You marry this man, give him hell, walk out, don't tell him you are pregnant and then 25 years later, you barge into his life, tell him he had a son and expect him to come running. Twenty five years is not like yesterday. He may be happily married, have a family, whatever, and you were someone who walked out on him 25 years ago. I think it's quite significant that you haven't said anything about his current situation.

Does it matter to you that he may have a life which you could disturb? You say you still love him but it doesn't sound as though you did back then and it doesn't sound as though you do now. This is all about you and you may have had a hard time but it's ancient history.

You appear to have managed without him for a quarter of a century. What has happened that you now want some emotional reaction from him? Leave him alone to get on with his life while you get on with yours. Many people have emotional scars and regrets about the past but you can't keep looking back and you can't expect this man to fix you.

You made your choices a long time ago and whilst it's sad that you were young and inexperienced at the time, some things can't be mended once broken. It's vital to accept the way things have turned out and get on with it. If you need help to do this, go to www.thevelvetmind.com and find a counsellor. You're young enough to look forward to a fresh start rather than dwelling on what happened in the past.