Dear John,

I recently started seeing a man, and it was going really well although he did show signs of distrust if I went out with my friends. Anyway, after six weeks together, I found out I was pregnant and was unsure what to do about it. And when I told the man in question, he offered support and insisted that we keep our baby and live our lives together as a family.

However, only a few days later, he told me by text message that he no longer wanted to be a father and told me not to ruin my life. Consequently we finished our relationship, but now I'm pregnant and unsure what to do about it.

I have a child already and had to bring it up on my own. It was a struggle, and I don't want to go through that again. However, I don't know if i could go through with an abortion as I may be racked with guilt. I'm really confused. What should I do?

Dear John writes:

First and foremost, a woman has the right to decide what goes on in her own body. This means that the decision of whether or not you have the baby is yours, and yours alone – regardless of what the father (or, for that matter, some crotchety old agony uncle on the internet) thinks.

So, although I'm not going to phone up the Brook Clinic on your behalf, I'm also not going to tell you that having a clump of undifferentiated cells removed from your uterus is murder – as, in my opinion, it isn't. And nor is it in the eyes of the law.

Obviously, I'm not suggesting that abortion is a laugh riot, a suitable alternative to contraception or even an easy thing to do. If you decide to terminate your pregnancy, you may very well experience feelings of guilt or regret for some time after the procedure.

You may, however, find yourself incredibly relieved to no longer have to worry about bringing an unwanted child that you'd struggle to support into the world. And, as you've bought that t-shirt and must have it had it puked down countless times, there's little point in my telling you how difficult such a thing can be. So don't feel pressured by anybody.

Do what's right for you, and you alone. And tell anybody who demonises you for your decision to shut their cake holes. After all, there are plenty of kids out there who don't have anybody to worry about them, so perhaps they might like to direct their efforts there instead.

PS Regular readers will be relieved to note that I'll be coming down off my fence in time for tomorrow's answer.

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