Dear John,

I am still single and am struggling to find the right man. I go out often but I don't like internet dating (too much time wasted there). It seems to me there are too many unsuitable people out there.

I am overweight but I want to find a slim man with criteria I need to have in order to fancy him. I don't want and can't fancy an overweight man or unsuitable standard ones...

Am I doomed to be on my own for the rest of my life because I can't find my dream man?

For example, the other day I saw a man with his kids. He smiled and waved to me, but does it mean he's single? It's difficult sometimes because it's very embarrassing if it turns out that he is married or has a girlfriend (besides, she could be sitting or standing not far from her man) and I could have stopped him to talk to him and asked him for a coffee in a pub/coffee shop. Anyway, I didn't dare ask him, so I let him go and I will never see him again. I keep thinking that I lost my rare chance to meet a suitable man. What a pillock am I!

Dear John writes:

So you've written in to bemoan the fact that your life does not reflect the classic story of romance that is "girl meets boy". This, perhaps, is because another tale is being told – the one that reads "girl judges people by appearances alone and then is surprised that she's still single". Quelle horreur!

This is depressing, as I'd hoped that it was only members of the Nuts Magazine generation who believed in objectifying others. What happened to inner beauty being the thing that counts? Did Christina Aguilera get to number one for nothing? Because face it, madam, if your potential partner parameters are so small that only Abercrombie and Fitch models may squeeze into the gap, then you're not going to need chat-up tips so much as a bottle of Viagra and bar of soap in a sock.

However, I will persevere by telling you that you really ought to grab the appropriately BMI'd bull by the horns and keep approaching people, especially if you've already checked their ring finger and for signs of a partner clinging to them like a barnacle to a barge. I'm sure you can work out whether they have somebody on the go; a lot of men will mention their unavailability pretty quickly if they're not interested. You may end up embarrassed once or twice, but if you never talk to anybody then you'll never meet anyone.

Nobody's asking you to hop into bed with John Prescott. But if you continue to read books by their covers alone, then you shouldn't be surprised or take offence when others do it to you. And although some people find nothing more attractive than a woman with more to love, few people fancy somebody who's no deeper than a puddle.

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